Life is unfair, and yet, surprisingly not so... Life is cruel, and at the same time, gentle... Life is demanding, but ironically, yielding... Life is surprising, but how many of us have really been surprised? Life is half empty, half full, a glass of Nothingness, that is overflowing as well... So what is it really?? Is it true that Life is what you make it??
That is what I want to know, although I know that only God has the answer. Curiosity is in one's nature...one that I, sadly, am helpless to. Having lived this long though, I think that I am prepared for whatever may hit me next in the face, both the good and the bad... but I am only fooling myself, and that is only how I would like to feel. The truth is, I am weak. I need support, because though I may think that I am ready, how much of the outside world can I really take? A disappointment can have me on the floor in less than a second, crying my heart out inside, not strong enough to let the world know how I feel or to pick myself back up. Thankfully, though, I am learning...with the help of a very good friend - God - who knew me even before I knew myself. In fact, even before I knew that I existed.
What do I mean by a BluSoul? Why do I call myself that? Well, maybe because I have a soul, one which I think is Blue. Weird? Not really. It makes perfect sense to me. Ever wondered what colours can do, or what they contain? For me, Blue is an embodiment of all kinds of feelings; it can be sad, peaceful, dull, glum, gentle, hard, calming, dazzling, confusing, happy, comforting, bright and even angry. it depends solely on the shade of Blue that one is looking at. Not all colours can be like this - so very much like a person. I mean, sure, Red can be angry and hard, and dazzling, happy and bright and dark, but, can it be all the rest? I think not. It might be because I'm a lover of Blue, but I feel it to be the most endearing colour out of all of them. I mean, Life wouldn't be the same without Blue...at all. Just imagine Yellow seas, Green skies, and the list could go on and on without stopping. The point is, our world would be very odd and distorted without Blue. So many things would be thrown out of perspective that I cringe at the very thought of them. The world just wouldn't be normal! Then again...why do I care? I mean things are NOT like that, and my Blue is still here. So all is well...
As much as I love Blue...the old saying goes," Too much of a good thing, no matter WHAT, is bad." You know what I mean. I am refering to my school - St. Mary's Secondary School. I do love my school, make no mistake of that, but the Blue-ness of everything is to the extent that it has come to bear a not-so-slight resemblance to a Police Station. They might even be cousins by the looks of it, a misleading fact very far from reality of course, although both are under the same governmant.
But I am side-tracking, a bad habit I picked up from two of my friends (who are affecting hugely my innocent 'naiivity', by the way). The reason for my loving Blue so much is that, for absolutely everything has a reason now, is that I have gone so deeply, or tried to go as deep as I could into it. One just can't come out of something like that and not be affected. Most of my friends love Blue as well, and it is because of them that I am coming out of the shell I have come to wear to 'protect' myself against others' opinions and learning to be more open with myself, thus, allowing myself to grow better. The process is slow, and I am doing this blindly perhaps, but surely, it is happening. And I have my BIGGEST friend of all - God - to thank for it as well, for he has led me through a lot of situations and 'SETUFF'(health issues) and is still leading me through mysterious Life. I stress again that Blue is a colour very much like people (to me), and of course, other colours are too, (to other individuals), so if people can affect you, so can colours.
Life is another thing... it is Dramatic and Beautiful, and it is a long Journey. Though hard times will come, God will never let one suffer more than one can stand - He will help you endure it, like He helped me. Remember, there is always a silver lining behind every cloud; the dawn will appear after the night; the rainbow will appear after the rain. Don't be afraid to live, like how I was once afraid. The canvas of Life, of your soul, is in front of you, paint it with whichever colour you want...if it's hard for you to decide, let Him guide your hand along the colours and the surface. I chose for my main colour to be Blue, and for the other colours to complement it occassionally...I am aiming to make it a master piece...my best work of all, with God as my mentor, always looking over my shoulder for the times that I stall and need his help. PIck up the brush if you haven't... What's your colour?
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