Laments of a Social Fly

Is love meant to be an Anchor?
When did it become a Social Sin?
It has been, and is, my life's
Only possible philosophy,
To love all, and even if,
I could not succeed,
To be decent and pleasant to Them.
I find myself, sometimes,
Surrounded by half-strangers,
For my philosophy keeps me
From edging closer.
Some other times,
Ifind myself surrounded,
By familiar, loving, smiling Faces.
Why must there be conflicts,
That hurt so?
Often enough - nay,
More than I understand,
Conflict breaks out around me;
Left, Right, Front, Back,
North, South, East, West.
Then, that triggers the Gun,
The center of me,
And I explode with an outbursting
Of emotions,
Shot from within,
Caught in an unwelcome crossfire.
Shot from within.
I don't know where to begin to understand,
I know not why I should be made so to comprehend.
Why am I put in these hateful situations?
I try to put on a brave face,
try to joke about it,
But some jokes are no laughing matter.
If I loved more people,
I would be hurt more, wouldn't I?
Experiences of a Social Butterfly,
Seep into my lacking life,
Life of a Social Fly.

There I go joking again.

Through my tears.

Of Blogging and Sucking

I shall make this short, but clear:

Today, I shall blog about How Much I SUCK at Blogging.

I haven't blogged in... I don't know... 7 to 8 months? maybe? 20 years? And when I do blog, I go and rant about lame things, like how I cannot commit to blogging at all. I'm not sure I've ever blogged about something remotely constructive.

This just shows how totally useless I am at making up my mind anout one thing, and keeping to it...How am I going to get through life?

On the up-side, I've finally updated... That's one good thing. Isn't it?

Catching The Sunrise

AHHHH!! Am finally updating!! Gosh, it's been too long. *pats self on the head*

Note to Dalia:
Here it is, Dal. the one you've been asking me to post. Enjoy! =)

Note to other readers or whoever this may concern (a.k.a. readers), I wrote this way back when I was going through a "beach craze", and couldn't refrain from sifting through my memories of the many beaches I had visited, the last one being when I was..er...in Primary 4, I think? I kept bugging my mum - yes, I'm admitting it - to arrange a holiday for us, but to no avail. So, I HAD to come up with another way to satisfy my frustrated yearnings. Thus, I give thee The Poem...

Catching the Sunrise
That one day when I awoke
In a chalet near the beach,
Waves one by one on the great rocks broke,
Yet, the calmness could not be breached.
While everyone was still safely wrapped
Within the deep realms of slumber,
I was carefully putting on my jacket
So as to become a hunter.
I crept out of doors and put on my slippers,
A little gingerly.
I would hunt for peace and seashells,
Along the deep, green sea.
Like little plains of powdered silk,
The sand was cool and soft.
I left my slippers back behind,
Deciding on a walk.
On and through the welcoming grey sand,
that I could feel over my feet,
I stepped into the gentle sea,
And the sky began to lit.
Streaks of gold was smeared a cross
The dim but light blue sky,
While purple, pink, orange, and red,
Seemed to be just passing by.
Each and every cloud around
The birth of this new morn
Was stained with this wonderful coloured blush,
that foretold of this one dawn.
Such majesty, mystery, beauty and wonder
Seen in so close a sky,
Seems to embody that which we
Cannot achieve though we may try.
Seeing this in mortal land,
Where life ends and first began,
I cannot help but try to imagine and ponder
The greater possibilities of Heaven.

2nd of March, 2009

I hope whoever reads it like it, but it does seem to be asking for a little too much. It's funny, you know. The way one thinks one's done a good job, but then feel that light touch of embarassment when others read it, I mean. And it gets worse when someone actually LIKES IT. *whimper*

Responding to Teresa's Tag From Last Year

I kneeeooowww! Lame right? She tagged me on the 11th of July last year, ad I'm only responding now? Well, I just remembered in my time of need. (Note: need = get un-bored). Good excuse, huh? Well, here goes...

a

1. What's the relationship of you and her/him?

: Friends
a
2. Your 5 impressions towards her/him?

: Confident (her cup of confidence is always overflowing...)

: Loud and laughy (^^)

: Smart (Tooo smart...)

: Cool, but slightly panicky (Sometimes... :P)

: Uniquely unique :)
a

3. The most memorable things she/he have said to you:

: Oh. let me see....hmmm... it's a tie between "I am so Pregnant right now", and "I will never mock pregnant women again", I think. Or maybe "You are a ditcher". Or, "Listen to me!" (which is her catchphrase...only she doesn't know it. Hee :D

a

4. The most memorable things she/he had done for you:

: Called me a ditcher, thus expanding my vocabulary by that little bit. Asked about L.I.E. class for me. Being my friend. :)

a

5. If she/he became your lover, you will

: see oranges give birth to pigs. Oh, and laugh. :)

a

6. If she/he become your enemy, you will

: watch my pinky grow a head. Oh, and cry for the day when I was forewarned by an ominous tag on blogger. Of course, we'll have to wait till I see that head growing out of my pinky first.. :)

a
7. If she/he become your lover, she/he has to improve on

: rethinking her reasons for not liking guys anymore, and bequething me with a bouquet of guilt for being the cause of it all... sad, I know.

a
8. If she/he become your enemy, the reason is

: Teardrops started falling on my guitar. (Note: I am practically tone deaf and thus do not own a guitar. Or any other instrument. Not likely to start now this late in life, am I?)

a

*moving on with dignity*

a
9. The most desirable thing to do on for him/her is?

: Brainwash her so that she will no longer be Robsessive, and will not tattoo R.P.'s name on her own body!!! Oh, and pray that her headache is now in the past.

a

10. The overall impression of him/her is...

: Confident and quirky (...mostly). Domineering (...a bit). Endearing (...yes). Bright (...?... XD). She and Sam seem to have this ray of sunlight following them when they're together. You know, like they're sunflowers or something... :)

a
11. How do you think the people around you feel about you?

: weirded off? annoyed? happy? sad? I can't say cause I'm not them. :)

a
12. The character of you for yourself is?

: eh? what does this question mean? EXPLANATION PLEASE! Of course, in case I'm right in thinking out its meaning, my character of me for myself is a nerd who isn't a nerd but is one nontheless. Oh, and confusing to myself sometimes.

a
13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?

: Oh, seems my interpretation was wrong. Go back and redo it? Nah! Okay, the character...characters...I hate of myself is...are...being lazy, and being indecisive. And being so freely and totally frank. On second thoughts, the feeling doesn't actually extend to hate, but is more of a degree of dislike.

a

14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is?

: a tree. No, I'm kidding. I want to be the real and true Me, all the time.

a

15. For the people who care about you and like you, say something about them.

: They are caring. And they too are likeable people. I love them!

a

16. Ten people to tag:
1. Dalia
2. Teresa C.
3. Teresa T. (I'm re-tagging you! ^^)
4. Jacklyn
5. Cindy
6. Lau Xin Wen
7. Marcella
8. Angelina
9. Felicia
10. Sam.
a
17. Who is no.2 having a relationship with? [Teresa C.]
: Her family members (she shall be in a life-long relationship with them), her friends (friendly relationships), her leaders (leader-follower relationships), her crushes, So-and-so...so-and-so...(some sort of relationship) in her mind (?). :D

a

18. Is no.3 a male or female? [Teresa T.]

: Female. But, you know, sometimes I wonder, what with all her masculine energy... haha.. just joking. She is definitely female. And might I mention, one with many 'admirers'.

a

19. How will no.9 react if he/she found out that his/her cell phone is lost? [Felicia]

: Don't actually know that she owns a cell phone even, so the question is as yet unanswerable.

a

20. If no.7 and no.10 were together, would it be a good thing? [Marcella and Sam]

: I guess. Both are good friends of Teresa, and if she can interact happily with them, I suppose they would be able to interact just as happily with each other if they got together as friends. So, it's a good thing. Right?

a

21. How about no.5 and no.8? [Cindy and Angelina]

: I think so, as friends of course. Both of them are small people (I should talk), and they both like to laugh. So there you have two similarities already!

a

22. What is no.1 studying about? [Dalia]

: PiLi MIT, and cute guys.

a

23. Is no.4 single? [Jacklyn]

: Think so.... Jac, any news with *ahem* yet? (Note: just putting that because don't know who she currently likes, to save face. And my stupid side types this down. Yep. Saving face. -.-)

a

24. Say something about no.6 [Lau Xin Wen]

: She loves CSI, like me. CSI New York, to be exact. She is one good friend, and I love her laugh. She is goofy and adorable in character. And her discs are still with me. She is Strawberry and the Nutcracker Princess.

New Profile Photo

There! I have finally given up on trying (unsuccessfully), to remain an anonymous blogger.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

*Please Look To Your Left, Ladies and (I think, no) Gentlemen*

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Although, I'm not sure I look altogether like me in this photo, meaning that I look more like a "Prince of The Earth", than the 'pure-blooded' Chinese that I am. (Although, this doesn't mean that I look Chinese as well. I am fully aware of my out-of-place looks.) But this photo would also mean that those who know me, but are strangers to my blog, would probably think twice before deciding that the blogger was , indeed, without a doubt, me. If, they do stumble upon my blog, that is. Plus, I am missing something essential to my usual appearance in it (I won't say what, in case I give the game away). Maybe I can keep this up, after all.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

It was taken sometime ago...this is how I look like when I'm thinking solemnly and seriously about something, I guess...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Note:

I really want to blog extensively about something more earth-shattering like my Sabah trip, or E.R. 09, or even the Marian Food and Fun Fair (which is way back in the past, by the way), but I can't do it now. Maybe, hopefully, next time.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oh, and CONGRATS to all those involved in our Choral-speaking Team. Second Place is a massive achievement for first-timers, not to mention the youngest group in the competition. Keep it up!

Quotes From Yesterday... (or was it the-day-before-yesterday??)

The people around you can sometimes say very interesting things, if you pay enough attention:

Teresa T. (suffering from quite severe stomach crams): I feel so pregnant right now. I shall never mock pregnant women again. I am so pregnant. (each sentence was said at different times, and referred, I conclude, to the labour-like pains in her abdominal region - this sounds so professional, doesn't it?).

Phoebe (saw a paper stuck under the row of windows in a classroom): That paper says, "Do not throw the windows". (Phoebe proceeds to laugh herself silly.... she later found out it said 'touch' and not 'throw')

Scott (coming into class ahead of our substitute teacher): Guess who sit in us? (she meant: Guess who is coming as substitute to Mrs. Wong (who was absent at the time). Teresa C., Phoebe, and I, laughed hard at this, and then sobered up and said, "Jesus." and "God." among other good, and possible answers to the question. If God lives in us, He must sit down once in awhile, right?)

Madam Lee (coming in after Scott, being the one assaigned by the school to "sit in us"): This is four-es-one, right? (teresa C. immediately started laughing again. We, Phoebe and I, did not get the joke at first. When she repeated four-es-one to me, I thought, "Four As One". So?? It turns out, she was thinking "Four Ass 1". She patiently explained to us slow-on-the-uptakers, saying, "You know, ass, as in arse...Now we know what the teachers call us in the staffroom." Referring, of course, to the teachers' possible ill-feeling towards us, after that incidence when something, went wrong between us, or with the teachers. Something so big, and bad, yet mysterious enough for most of us members of the class to still wonder about what really happened. Then, Phoebe and I laughed, and Phoebe, my dearest Grasshopper and Catch-No-Ball, asked about 4Science2. So, I said, thinking that since we were already "four ass 1", they might be "four ass too".)

Madam Sally (quoting from someone or somewhere during english Class): There's a saying: Marriage starts when you sink into his arms, and ends with your arms in his sink.

And thus ends my report of this fateful day, when I learned that being alert in class sometimes pays off. XP

ufferfish...

I have been utting off osting anything for quite awhile now, trying to savour the whole holiday mood, but then, when I finally get around to trying to ost something, my keyboard decides to have this horrible lis. INCONVENIENT!! I cant do question marks or anything else from the random right side of it either. that whole art is aralysed, like my comuter had a stroke or something... Now I sound funny!! (T.T} Like I have this weird head cold or something.

Bear with me and try your best to understand what Im saying, okay

*sigh*

Well, exams are over, and seeing as we are now in the midst of our holidays, I shall not dwell on it for too long. Finally managed to ass my Add. Maths. with a borderline score of 4ty <> so I am hay. Still failed overall, though. Life goes on... B.M. was terrible, because I lost my head during the exam, and wrote almost nothing but cra, as any other headless chicken would, so I understand that I deserved exactly what I got. Got about the same marks for Chemistry, and am still waiting for Bio. to be given back last... kidding... hysics will be the death of me one day, so I might dro it in the coming year to fulfill the 1en subject ruling. No, I havent gotten back my aer yet, but its in these instances that I am inclined to trust my amazing sychic owers that hardly ever work. *stos tying to register exactly how stuid this ost will be to those reading it, even though I am maintaining as well as I can a dignified sirit as I write this* I reortedly got the highest in gym class < .J.K. just looks weird, and .E. even more so, so forgive me for using an inaccurate term > which is sort of useless to me, excet in the case that it can ull u my grade oint average. Now, why cant this be so for my hysics or my Add. Maths. <> English was Okay, I guess. Am still raying HARD for my being right in those two questions, and I actually got 83 out of 85 for my aer 2, which is retty good, considering the lack of time, and me having to rush through it, resulting in a coule of small, but stuid, mistakes. raying for good results in English Lit. and B.K.. Not enough time for English Lit., Mrs. Michael!!! So just know that I tried my best.

E.R. was a blast!!! Jude Antoine was a wonderful seaker *haha, just realised what I wrote, and imagined him on a broomstick, ala Harry otter* and the concert was definitely syokingmenoking! I actually brought myself to jum on the last day... which was exhilarating, until the crams resented themselves and I had to sto. *my sentence is wrong because of the missing youknowwhats, so you can ignore it* I found the meaning of TRUE JOY there, and realised, with hel, that it is Gods ultimate wish for us to be joyful in Him. Joy is not just an emotion or a feeling, but rather, a decision. Which reminds me, I still have Cindys hotos to email to her....* Joan waits a moment for Cindy to ounce on her from behind*, and her ost on the E.R. to read. I will, after E.R.9, henceforth, try to withhold my overwhelmig selfity, and try to make something out of my sometimes athetic erson..and there I go again with the selfity...

Going backwards just a little more, I arrive at the Methodist Girls School scholarshi thing. This was a bummer. After rearing my resume and worrying about whether to go with my arents unsung whishes for me to go, in the case of my being acceted, or own u to the fact that I am everything but indeendant and not to go, also in the case of my being acceted, we are told that it was a mistake on the schools bahalf, and cannot aly at all. We, the Form 4s, being overaged. I feel old all of a sudden. On the uside, I dont have to worry anymore. My arents were ushing me to decide to go if I was acceted, which they thought was likely as I had certain things going in my favour. Even though my Mum was keeing this sad, straight face evrytime I brought u my indecisiveness, and told me that I could decide on my own and she would resect my decision, you could see the silent, yet LOUD urging to accet in the case that their hoes of finally being able to evict me from the house came to fruition. I am just joking. Ha. Ha. And although Dad was the ^quiet suorter of my decision^, the moment I told him I would try my luck, he took out this aer he had reared to guide me in the making of my AWESOME resume, that would surely earn me a ticket straight out of their house... I mean to Singaore. I was joking. Again. Ha. Ha. But really! When I told him triumhantly, I KNEW IT!! He merely smiled and agreed that I had been correct in my susicions, and my arents had indeed been like swimming ducks = calm on the surface, but working vigorously underneath the water. His words, not mine.

FREEE THIS WHOLE WEEK. Almost. Gawai was cool. If cool means eating until you can eat no more, and you look like a regnant Sim. The latter was Judy. Seriously, how come ALL the good food only aears during festive seasons <> I was so bloated, I had to miss lunch, dinner, and suer. I only managed to eat some rice around 1 in the morning. I know what some of you are thinking. SHE actually slet after 1 <> Hey, its the holidays, buddy, and I can do as I lease...... At least, at my Grandmas house I can. And being bloated, and hot <>, one can easily get cranky, and stressed. Kind of like Mrs. uff in Songebob. Who is a ufferfish.. haha... <>.

I have my Moral rojects to do, the School hotograghs to sort through, Mrs. Wongs School Web. Assaignment to work out how to do so I can do it, within this week, because I will be away most of next week. I just found out two days ago that I will be leaving on the 1enth, and will be coming back in the evening of the 14th. I know! You didnt know when you were leaving until then <> You dont deserve to go to the foreign yet local land of Sabah! Bad luck, then al, coz I am going! *Joan is imagining the cool air and wonderful scenery from Mt. Kinabalu*

Going to Dalias then Cynthias for a ersonal Movie Day tomorrow. Cant wait, hoe Sasha is coming, she being our celebrated movie sulier. Just thought of Britains Got Talent. Diversity won! Am so hay, because I like them. Sorry, Susan, but on the bright side, you have a fantastic career ahead of you. Disaointed with amazing self taught dancer, Aidan. He did his best though, and thats what counts, right <> American Idol. Hmmm... the consiracy theory might be true, but I think Kris deserved his win based on the finale. Adam was too fake at times, as if he was acting out feeling an emotion, instead of actually feeling it. lus, I still think his arents are actually hired actors, who cant really manage to act as the loving and roud arents of a guy who sounds barely human when he sings.

Um.. I had more to blog about but have, in the sur of the moment, forgotten most of those interesting <> toics to blog about. Sorry, but was too lazy to uload any ictures or videos today. Maybe tomorrow.

Things Joan has learned when tying this ost = 1} She will never tye a dominantly green ost again. It reminds her too much of icky cartoon mucus and hlegm. She is starting to feel quesy. 2} She loves her missing letters whose absence caused her to lis on this ost and more than unlikely, caused her readers to either laugh at her, or to stare at her ost with stuified exressions on their faces 3} she loves her question marks the most, and would thus, like to thank those kind eole good enough to rovide her with some of their sares. Oh, and 4} it sometimes feels good to feel like a ufferfish, even if she cant at the moment even get the word right. >